Rain/Snow

Likely
Lo 33 °F

We were watching Captain America last night (what a good movie) and I pulled up the NOAA forecast for the weekend.  Pk is supposed to travel to see Em (about an hour with traffic) and I wanted to see if it was going to rain all day or just part of the day.  SNOW!  In October!  This is so weird. 

I'm realistic enough to know that if it does snow, it'll be a dusting at best but all of a sudden it's cold enough to snow and we haven't turned on the heater for the season yet.  And I didn't get the winter clothes out and washed (best laid plans and all). 

I know what I'll be doing this weekend!  Pk isn't feeling well and may end up cancelling for Saturday.  They're supposed to go shooting (at targets at a gun club).  Em and Jim go and she really likes it.  I have never held a gun in my life (I've never actually punched anyone either) and have no idea how they feel.  Em and Pk had a good time mocking me about this.  Good thing I love them both.

This has been a week filled with agida (heartburn).  I've done this job for a long time now (17 yrs here) and I'm fairly good at what I do.  I am patient with people (not so much with knots in my yarn or mechanical things but endlessly patient with human beings) and can usually get along with everyone.  Until this week.  I can't say much except to say I met someone who can turn my equilibrium completely on its head and make me feel bad enough to need extra blood pressure medicine.  And like a dog with a bone, they just can't let it go.  I'm so very glad it's Friday.

Today was the last Aggressive Patient Management group for the year.  Next month we'll plan on how we need to change things for next year (we need to add more about restraining children) and how we'll schedule training.  I'm glad it's over for the year.  It's one day a month from April to October and I usually end up sore and a bit bruised.  I believe in the program but it will be good to not have to think about it for a few months. 

I'll make some chicken soup in the hopes of helping Pk feel better.  If we get home with enough time, I'll put some stuff in the bread machine and make some bread.  Homemade chicken soup and hot bread.  Mmmmm.  Now I'm hungry since lunch was yogurt and bananas.

I had a good group discussion this week about spirituality.  We tend to steer away from spiritual/religious topics in our groups so that no one gets offended.  I wanted to talk about how one's spiritual thoughts can help with stress management and how feeling connected to something larger than oneself can ease some burdens and bring joy.  It went surprisingly well.  We set down the ground rules at the beginning and it took off from there. 

We talked about how sometimes just a place or a person can ease your stress (ever just stand in the middle of the woods or by the ocean?) and how the lack of that can make life seem brittle and dry.  We talked about having relationships of all kinds and it was a good group.  Those are the kind that make me remember why I like group.

Well, we're looking for a nasty weather weekend and Monday is Hallowe'en.  No parties for us this year.  I miss my Aunt Joan most this time of year.  She loved Hallowe'en and we had such fun when the girls were small.  I'll wear my ghost shirt and headband with little ghosts flying over my head and give out candy.  We'll get a few kids unless it continues to rain. 

Do you celebrate Hallowe'en?  If so, do you have any traditions?  Our favorite was the Candy Swap after the trick or treating.  Everyone sits in a circle and tries to trade away the candy they don't like and get something better.  Pk is a wicked good trader.  I let him do my negotiating! 

Like we need more chocolate!

This has been an odd weekend here.  Let's start with Friday.

We managed to get Pk a new phone by sheer luck.  He called around and no one in the area seemed to have the phone he wanted to get.  He sent me a text about 3 pm letting me know we could go home.  I thought it was impossible that NO ONE had a phone in stock (although I do realize they're a popular item) so I started making phone calls of my own.  I found a store a few blocks from where we work that had them but we had to get there soon.  I called him and told him to drop everything and go to the store and get in line.  I put away my things and hopped on a bus and met him there.  We waited about a half hour and it only took about 15 minutes for them to hook him up.

He's thrilled.

Then we got home and I discovered that our ATM card has been compromised and I called the bank to cancel it and get a new one.  They said we could get a temporary card and they were sending me one out immediately.  We just had to go to the bank and get some cash.  It might not have been the smartest thing to cancel the card when I had 3 dollars in cash in my wallet!

We got to the bank after they closed so we couldn't even cash a check.  It was home for some hastily prepared dinner.  I was feeling anxious all night.  It's been a long time since we have been at the mercy of the banker's hours.

Saturday morning, I dropped Kate and Peter Kevin off at the trail head and headed back to the bank.  I declined the temporary card (it could get confusing with the new numbers) but did manage to get some cash. 

I went to the grocery store and then to the salon to get my hair cut.  Just trimmed and shaped so it can continue to look professional since I have to go to work while it's growing out.

Patrick picked up Kate and Pk and boy were they sore.  This was a test hike for them to see if they could do an overnight with full pack.  Um, no.  Not yet.  They're not in shape for that.  They had a good day and Pk came home happy for having spent the day in the woods.  I made some escarole soup and grilled sandwiches for dinner and we had a quiet night.

Today we got up and went to the flea market in Columbus.  Did you ever plan to do something but then the day dawns and you just don't feel good?  Today was that day for me.  I woke at 4 am with a headache.  I took something and tried to go back to sleep but only dozed.  When it was time to get up and moving, my head was still throbbing but going was my idea and Pk loves Columbus.



too many people

 It was too much.  Too much sun, too much noise, too many people, too many smells (people really should stop wearing so much cologne).  Everything hurt my head.  We wandered around a bit but I finally couldn't take it any more.  We did find the cell phone cover we were looking for and then left. (I also saw someone selling 4 medium skeins of red heart yarn in a box for 10 dollars.  Not a bargain)  Pk took me to breakfast and we came home and I took a nap while he went and got a haircut.  The laundry is going (oops, I forgot.  I have to go and move it along!) and I have a roast chicken in the oven for dinner.

 I used some leftover cornbread and some sausage and made some stuffing.  It's yummy.  Warm and filling.  Comfort food.  My head feels better, the headache is there-just in the background.  I think it's hormonal.

I had my period about a week ago but my breasts were still sore (sorry TMI) so I knew it was going to be one of those months.  I think I'm going to have another period in less than a week.  This makes me prone to nasty headaches.  But all the bloodwork shows this is not perimenopause.  It's just old lady weirdness.

We tried hot buttered rum for the first time today and we love it.  Have you ever made it?  It's easy and absolutely wonderful.  My body feels warm from the inside out.  I am not much of a drinker but this will be nice to have in the winter when it's cold and you just can't get warm.
Here's the easy recipe I found online

Simmer 3/4 brown sugar, 2 c water, pinch of salt, 3 tbl butter, 2 cinnamon sticks, 3 or 4 whole cloves and a pinch of salt together for about an hour.  Add 2/3 c rum.
Put it into 3 small mugs or 2 larger ones and top with fresh whipped cream.

Oh my goodness.  This is delicious.  And about a million calories but calorie is also a measure of heat, right?

I have to start getting our winter clothes out and washed.  We still have some temperate days but that could change literally overnight.  If I plan it right, I can do one load each day until they're all done. 

So, that's my weekend.  How was yours?

I'm sitting at my desk at work enjoying the bit of quiet that is early morning around here.  My office mate will be here in a few minutes and he is not always quiet.

I'm sorry for the radio silence the past week.  I have two blog posts that I started and just didn't post.  No, nothing is wrong.  Everyone is fine and I'm fine, too.  I just had nothing to say.  (I know!)

Things here are quiet and normal and just plain ol' life.  I am not complaining.  I'll take normal over exciting any day.  I've been missing Hobbes.  I see him everywhere I go.  For a cat that really liked to be left alone, he made his presence (and now his absence) felt.  It doesn't hurt with the sharp pain of the newly lost but with wistful sadness.

I have been busy at work this week catching up from being sick last week.  My clients still have needs even if I'm not here and sometimes they're not all that patient.  I understand the urgency but come on, now.  If you wait until you've put the last pill in your mouth to notice that you have no refills, your odds of getting more before the next dosage is due can be pretty slim. 

I am trying to let my hair grow.  A bit.  Maybe to my chin/shoulders.  Pk likes it longer (although he seems to forget that when he met me, I had short hair) and I'm trying to humor him.  My stylist is helping but I have to get through all these awkward stages and I'm not sure I have the patience for it.  So, I'm putting it out there.  Maybe if I tell someone else, I'll have the fortitude to stick it out.  So, you like how I made it sound like I'm some kind of warrior?  It's hair.  I can handle it.  Right now, we are letting the top grow and cutting the bottom to make them more even. 

Roxie asked what it was like in our part of the world right now.  Here in the MidAtlantic States, we are experiencing one of the wettest spring/summer/falls ever.  Every time there is a rainstorm predicted, the Flood Warning signs go up.  The ground is sodden and it doesn't take much to have mud puddles.  We have clay soil which seems to allow the water to run right off and then to be cracked and dry looking the next day no matter how much rain we get.

It's been raining/windy for the past three days.  It's clearing up for the weekend and the temps are predicted to only be around 60 for the high.  Fall is definitely here.  The leaves are changing but so slowly.  You can see a patch of red/gold/orange here and there but nothing major.  If the wind picks up, it'll blow the leaves off and our fall will not be as colorful as it could be.

The a/c is still on in my building and I'm sitting here freezing.  I have on a long sleeved shirt with a long sleeved t shirt underneath and I'm getting ready to put on the fleece that lives on the back of my chair.  What a waste of power. 

Today I will be preparing for Monday's clinics.  I have to go through the charts of the folks scheduled to come in and make sure the paperwork is all up to date.  Then I make sure they have been called.  I write any treatment plans that are due and update any other paperwork.  I have 12 clients to take care of for Monday.  If I'm really good, I'll get to Tuesday as well (only 6 for Tuesday).  Then, I have to write notes on my Social Rehab clients (I am way behind in them.  No one reads them and I have nothing to say about most of my folks).  Then, I'll work on any other treatment plans that are due in October since we are rapidly approaching the end of the month.  I'll answer the phone and try to put out any small fires before they become major conflagrations.  Somewhere in there, I'll eat lunch and hopefully find time to go to the bathroom.

After work today, we're going to buy Pk a new iphoneS.  He is so excited.  He's been having a conversation with his old phone for the past two weeks.  I goes something like this:

PK: Ha!  Only 23 1/2 more hours and I will be rid of you, you piece of crap device"

Phone:  (pitiful silence)

He declined to take half a day in order to get to the store quicker so we'll be there at the end of the day.

Tomorrow Pk and Kate are going hiking.  I'm dropping them off in the woods and Patrick is picking them up at the end of the day. I'll use my day to go shopping and maybe I'll treat myself to a mani/pedi.  I haven't done that in a long time.  Anyone have any plans for the upcoming weekend? 

I hope you are all having normal and quiet lives.

Here I am at home with a low grade virus that has given me a low grade fever and general ickiness.  I felt all shivery Tuesday night but got up and went to work on Wednesday and felt ok all day.  Then last night, the icky feeling came back so I gave into Peter Kevin's entreaties that I "take care of myself" and stay home.  I'm vaguely nauseous but not enough to be sick, vaguely feverish but not really.  If it  hadn't been a week ago, I'd blame my flu shot.

Our anniversary was a good one. I'll give you a run down and then show you some of the photos.  That way, anyone who hates vacation photos can click off.  We enjoy each other's company and can talk about anything and everything and are avid people watchers so we're hardly ever bored.  We had a lovely brunch on Sunday, followed by walking around the touristy shops at Smithville, drove to Wildwood to stay at our b&b, The Sea Gypsy. 

The Sea Gypsy is a lovely place.  Opened in 1903 as a boarding home, it's filled with tiny rooms and those tiny rooms are crammed full of stuff.  Our bedroom was, um, cozy.  I think Emily said "snug".  There was room for the bed and a dresser and not much else.  That was ok, but the bed was short and Pk is not.  There was not much sleep had on Sunday night.  The bed creaked (loudly) and he couldn't get comfortable.  We did have a nice deck area outside our room which we made use of after dinner on Sunday.  We sat outside drinking champagne with raspberries and watching the stars.  It was lovely.

Dinner on Sunday was a place recommended by friends so we went to The Lobster House in Cape May.  Now, Cape May is an upscale tourist seaside town.  It's beautiful and expensive.  The restaurant doesn't take reservations and when we got there at 5 (on a Sunday, off season) we had a 90 minute wait.  We chose to wait and were sorry we did because the food just wasn't worth waiting that long for.  It was ok, but nothing special.  And it was expensive (which we expected).  I had a lobster bisque that was delicious but Pk's dinner was something I could have made better at home.

We spent the evening (it was 8:30 by this point) sitting outside on the deck drinking champagne and talking.  We tried to sleep but that was futile so we were up early for pancakes and sausage for breakfast.  There were two other guests there for breakfast (which was delicious).  We left and were about an hour up the road when I remembered I'd left my mp3 player on the bed.  We called and went back for it.  Somethings you just have to turn around for.

We got home late Monday afternoon and went to sleep for 2 hours.  We ordered steak sandwiches for dinner (a very romantic anniversary dinner) and watched a video and went to bed early. 

We laughed about it and actually had a good time.  The weather was exceptional, almost summer like and it was fun.  Now, we're back in the real world and that's ok, too.




breakfast at Smithville.  Yum!

 

The Sea Gypsy












Pk across the room.  Snug!



Our deck outside the bedroom window (there were steps leading up to the outside)

Wildwood has wide beaches.  This is the beach from the boardwalk (which was boarded up and empty, all except for the tattoo/piercing places which were open for business).  If you click and make the photo bigger, you can just make out the ocean on the horizon there.  It's flat and easy to walk on but if I was a parent with kids and all their stuff, I'd be exhausted by the time we got down there.  Wildwood is a teenager kind of summer town.  It's loud and the boardwalk is aimed at families with teenss.  (unlike Atlantic City which is aimed at gamblers and older people and Ocean City which is aimed at families with smaller children).

And I tend to forget that New Jersey is a coastal state since I live about 60 miles from the coast.  This sight always reminds me.  This is what it looks like as you get close to the coast.  There is as much water as land.  Salt marshes where you can see egrets standing around.  This is outside the moving car but you can just see the buildings of Wildwood in the distance.  The smell is salty and wonderful.  This is were we put down the windows and just breathe.  It (like being in the woods) smells like home to me.  If we could afford it, I'd retire down at the shore.  I love being near the ocean.  Properties are so high, even in these depressed times.  But, if we win the lottery.......

So, that's our weekend.  I have more photos but I'm having some trouble uploading them today for some reason.  I did some knitting on a Christmas sock sitting in the sunshine and thought that life was just about perfect.  I could look through the window and see the love of my life sitting (watching a soccer game) and look up and see seagulls and smell the ocean and knit all at the same time. 

And, as Pk reminds me, it's now been 30 years and 3 days.

PS:  I noticed if you click on the photos, they do indeed get bigger, but the format is different.   I don't know when that changed and I'm not sure I like it. Maybe it's all just weird today.

Really, this is just to add the photos of the inside of the machine to satiate the curiosity.  I should have known fiber folks would want to see the equipment.  We just got home from Cape May and are tired.  I'll post the story and photos later but today, I'll show you the rest of the machine.

Circa 1953 Cast iron Singer sewing machine in excellent condition.  All but the cord.  it's hard to see in the photo but those are bare wires.  The guy who sold it to me (and he was selling it for a friend.  It was the friend's grandmother's and he was moving and couldn't (or didn't want to) take it with him.) said he plugged it in and it works.  We are taking his word for it because we are not stupid enough to plug it in with the cord in that condition.

The front opens up for bobbins and notions.  It's just like my grandmother's without the treadle and wheel underneath.  The cast iron legs are in good shape, no rust, and have the intricate Singer design in them.  The wood will take some work but Pk loves a challenge. 

I have a cast iron portable Singer machine (I got it at a thrift store for 30 dollars) in mint condition with beautiful gold scrollwork on it that might fit in here as well.  It only goes forward and backward.  But in all reality, most of my sewing is straight stitching.  I don't use zig zag stitches or other fancy ones very often and if I need them, I can pull out the newer machine and use that. 

One day this week we'll get to the home store and get some cord and a new plug and then we'll see what works and what doesn't.  It came with the original instruction book and some bobbins (good thing since they're different than mine and they sit sideways in the machine which is also different) and a package of needles so I can try it right away.

We had a good time this weekend.  I'll tell you about Sunday and Monday later and show you the photos of our roomlet and our dinner.  So, TTFN.

We are in the middle of the most beautiful weather here right now.  It seems like it's either feast or famine lately.  All rain all the time or all sunshine. 

Today was all sunshine.  Pk, El and I went to Allaire State Park to ride the Pine Ridge RR.  A little backstory here.  Pk and I were looking for a train ride to look at some fall foliage and this came up when I did a search in the area.  We thought it would be nice to take the train and have a picnic in the park so we stopped at the store on Friday on our way home from work and bought some goodies and off we went.

It's a small train.  How small you ask?  Well here's the engine.  It's a tiny little thing.  It pulled one regular car, one open air car and a red caboose.

The entire circuit takes about 10 minutes and they take you around twice.  Despite it being geared more toward small folks, we enjoyed it.  (maybe because we are small folks at heart).

We then discovered that this weekend they were having a Flea Market.  Never ones to pass a chance to look at other people's junk, I mean, um treasures, we walked around.  Toward the end of the booths, we discovered this.  Most people recognize the name Singer.  I knew this was at least a table and if I was lucky, a machine as well. 

I opened the lid and oh my goodness, a cast iron Singer (circa 1953) with a sticker on it that said "$45.  It runs!")  Be still my heart.

I was hemming and hawing (I am not very good at bargaining) and the man told me "I'll take $40 for it", I said "Sold" and handed over my money before he changed his mind.  My grandmother had one of these, only it was a treadle model.  This one has been electrified and the machine needs a new cord but Pk is a multi talented man and can replace the cord for me. 

I am hoping my machine will fit into the table but Pk says if it doesn't, he can take the top off and put a flat top on and my machine can sit on it. He's going to refinish the cabinet.  The shellac is old and brown and there is some damage to the veneer inside.  Nothing insurmountable.  I would love to have the machine out where I can use it more easily.  Of course, I could always use the machine that's already in the table.  It only goes back and forth but the wheel and needle assembly seems to move easily and smoothly so maybe it'll come in handy anyway.

I passed up the chance to buy an old spinning wheel.  It was in really good shape but I don't need it and I didn't know anyone who would want it.  I called Em but she already has a wheel like this (saxony style, on the bulky side and difficult to transport) so she turned it down.

We sat in the park, under a tree and ate our lunch watching as two wedding parties pulled up.  Allaire State Park was once a village and there is a restored church/school building on the property.  People get married in the church and then have their photos taken in the park.  It's a pretty place, all whitewashed and plain.  We saw various members of the wedding party but not the bridal couple.

We got home late in the afternoon so I can finish the laundry.  Tomorrow we are going to brunch and then driving down to the shore to spend the night in a b&b for our anniversary.  It's a weekend suited perfectly to us.  Relaxing and quiet and no frantic running around.  Soon, we decide what we want for dinner and then let someone else prepare it for us.  It doesn't get much better than that.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Today I haz a sad.  Pk and I had to have Hobbes put to sleep yesterday.

He had been losing weight and we thought he might have tape worm ( we saw him eating something he killed and this is a common result) so we dosed him with medicine and waited to see what happened.
He seemed to rally on Saturday and was moving around and eating/drinking.  We breathed a sigh of relief and figured we'd take him for a check up in a few days.

Sunday he had taken a sharp turn for the worse.  He was limp and unresponsive.  We called the emergency vet and took him right in.

They were wonderful.  They told us he had a mass in his abdomen and they were going to do blood tests, xrays and other diagnostics.  We asked if they were going to be able to fix him.  They hemmed and hawed and finally said they didn't think so.

We opted not to put him through useless and possible painful treatment and held him as they injected the euthanasia drugs into his catheter.  He kept his eyes on me and I saw the moment his spirit left his body.  We brought him home and buried him next to his brother and our other cats/hamsters/guinea pigs.  One day someone else will live here and wonder about all the animal bones in the yard but you outlive a lot of animals in 30 years.

We sat around and decided to watch movies.  Unfortunately, we chose Independence Day (Will Smith) and forgot how emotional parts of it are.  I sobbed through most of it.  We watched cartoons after dinner.  Much better choice.

Hobbes' tumor must have been a fast growing thing because a few weeks ago, he was fine.  He was not a lovey cat.  He was fiercely independent and tolerated us for our opposable thumbs.  I think he would have been way happier if he had been able to grow some himself.

Our favorite game was the "look at me Hobbes" game.  Someone would hold him and try to make him make eye contact. It wasn't easy and Hobbes usually won.

He was an ornery, pain in the ass, bad boy.  And we loved him all the more for it (we do love our bad boys don't we?)  He will be remembered and missed forever.

Good bye Hobbers.

It's Saturday afternoon and most of the work of the day is done.  Today was mostly sunny.  And no rain.  For the first time in days, it didn't rain.  It felt like a blessing.

I took the opportunity to wash the windows and curtains.  We have tilt windows upstairs so they're fairly easy and the curtains go right into the washer and dryer and back onto the windows before they get all wrinkled in the dryer.  I don't know why I always dread the thought of doing this.  It's never difficult and the reward is clean windows with curtains that smell wonderful.  I also washed the bedding and now our bedroom smells fresh. 

The laundry is in process but that doesn't require much attention.  I got out "the orange stuff" as my girls put it.  The house is now adorned with fall and Halloween decorations.  There's a witch that I made several years ago with a friend who wanted to learn to sew.  It was one of those patterned pieces of material that you buy with all the parts pre-printed on the cloth and you just cut them out, sew them together and stuff whatever you want to stuff.  It was a fun project and she learned to sew and do appliques and how to sew linings all from one small project.

I bought a set of these pumpkins a long time ago.  I love honeycombed paper decorations. 

The wreath is on the door and there are leaf stickies on the windows and the orange lights are up.  It signals the start of the fall holiday season.  We are already thinking of Hallowe'en and then before you know it, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here.  I love this time of year. 

In a few days, Pk and I will celebrate our wedding anniversary.  30 years.  I'm not sure how that happened.  People are always amazed/impressed and I feel odd when they say "how did you do that?".  I don't have an answer.  One day at a time is the best I can come up with.  We've been together long enough that we've worn off the sharp edges and now we fit together.  Mostly, I think it's because I let him think he's in charge......

as if.

The crocheters outnumber the knitters in my group 5-3.  This past week I didn't get time to work on my project at all since one of our members decided she wanted to make crocheted "motifs" out of crochet cotton (almost thread) and a teeny tiny hook.  This woman can't do any stitch other than the basic chain and the motif she wanted to make was a medium level complicated one.  With thread.  I told her I'd help her get started and she learned quickly that it wasn't going to work.  She needed to learn basic stitches first.  She was working on dc and treble crochet with some thicker yarns. 

The woman who was supposed to work with the crocheters does not often make it to the group.  It's a good thing I know basic crochet and what I don't know, I can look up.  This week was a busy one.  But, I do have 2 new knitters and one is finishing a scarf she has been working on (and is soooo proud of) and the other is casting around (pun intended) for a project that sparks her interest.

And what is my project?  I am working on this.  It's the Rhaina (sp? I don't have the book with me) scarf.  I'm using the loosely spun alpaca I bought.  I love how it feels and I can live with the fact that it won't give me crisp stitch definition.  The yarn has thick/thin spots but the pattern itself is so simple that I think it'll look good.  It has a lovely halo and is such a pleasure running through my hands. 

I have a few other things in progress but this has a really simple chart and I can work on it and put it down and find where I am without too much trouble.  It's a good project for group time.  I always have a plain pair of socks with me as well but I spend most of the hour helping the budding fiber enthusiasts learn our craft.

Kate is making a lovely scarf with Patons Lace.  Have you seen this yarn?  It's a mohair/acrylic blend and I wasn't impressed with it in the skein but knitted up?  It's soft and delicate and the halo is lovely.  I bought some of the cream color to try it out.  I don't know how well it'll block but I'm optimistic that there's enough mohair to help it hold it's shape.

I got my last installment in my Hank's fiber club.  It's a pretty blue angora/lambswool roving and they sent along a dozen silk worm cocoons.  At first I thought they were styrofoam bits and I couldn't figure out what to do with them.(there are no instructions)  Then I looked closely and realized they were silk cocoons.  And there are no holes in the ends so there must be worms inside.  Pk's eyes got bright as he thought about playing with them but I contacted Amy to see if she was interested in experimenting with them with her kids.  They remind me of me and my kids when they were small and interested in everything around them.  We did experiments and explored just like Amy does with her two sons and her daughter.  She said she'd love to play with them so I'm going to send them off sooner rather than later.  I have a fear of them hatching......

That's all that's new here.  I am off to do some spinning for a bit.  I have some pink roving that I need to finish up and then I have a ton of spinning to do for my sweater.  This is the time of year I get most of the spinning done so there's hope I can be knitting on my sweater sometime next spring.  I am so optimistic.

I hope you are all having a good weekend.